Civl War

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=200 BGCOLOR="#99FFFF" TEXT="#F7F7FF"> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" width="100%" BGCOLOR="#33CCFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <B>Civl War</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id17.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contact Me">Contact Me</A>   |   <A HREF="glubs.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Glubs">Glubs</A>   |   <A HREF="ethology.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Ethology">Ethology</A>   |   <A HREF="shapes.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Shapes">Shapes</A>   |   <A HREF="foreword.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Foreword">Foreword</A>   |   <A HREF="bye_bye_my_lovely.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Bye Bye my Lovely">Bye Bye my Lovely</A>   |   <A HREF="hpm.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="H.P.M.">H.P.M.</A>   |   <A HREF="black_hole.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Black Hole">Black Hole</A>   |   <A HREF="boss.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Boss">Boss</A>   |   <A HREF="gray_or_grey.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Gray or Grey">Gray or Grey</A>   |   <A HREF="two_bulges.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Two Bulges">Two Bulges</A>   |   <A HREF="down_bulge.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Down Bulge">Down Bulge</A>   |   <A HREF="petri.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Petri">Petri</A>   |   <A HREF="middle_word.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Middle Word">Middle Word</A>   |   <A HREF="death.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Death">Death</A>   |   <A HREF="2d_3d.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="2D, 3D,">2D, 3D,</A>   |   <A HREF="virtual_world.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Virtual World">Virtual World</A>   |   <A HREF="freud.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Freud">Freud</A>   |   <A HREF="segregation.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Segregation">Segregation</A>   |   <A HREF="sickness.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Sickness">Sickness</A>   |   <A HREF="uterus.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Uterus">Uterus</A>   |   <A HREF="getting_high.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Getting High">Getting High</A>   |   <A HREF="end.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="End">End</A>   |   <A HREF="light.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Light">Light</A>   |   <A HREF="back_word.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Back Word">Back Word</A>   |   <A HREF="music.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Music">Music</A>   |   <A HREF="food.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Food">Food</A>   |   <A HREF="id44.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Commercial">Commercial</A>   |   <A HREF="talk.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Talk">Talk</A>   |   <A HREF="void.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Void">Void</A>   |   <A HREF="words.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Words">Words</A>   |   <A HREF="moulin_rouge.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Moulin rouge">Moulin rouge</A>   |   <A HREF="now.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Now!!!">Now!!!</A>   |   <A HREF="happiness.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Happiness">Happiness</A>   |   <A HREF="love.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Love">Love</A>   |   <A HREF="hat.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="H.A.T.">H.A.T.</A>   |   <A HREF="day_one.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Day One">Day One</A>   |   <A HREF="time.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Time">Time</A>   |   <A HREF="look_.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Look !!!">Look !!!</A>   |   <A HREF="inflate_yourself.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Inflate Yourself">Inflate Yourself</A>   |   <A HREF="hollow_mass_matrix.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Hollow Mass Matrix">Hollow Mass Matrix</A>   |   <B>Civl War</B>   |   <A HREF="some_like_it_hot.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Some like it hot">Some like it hot</A>   |   <A HREF="pro_or_anti_zac.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Pro or anti Zac?">Pro or anti Zac?</A>   |   <A HREF="psychology.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Psychology">Psychology</A>   |   <A HREF="dictionary.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Dictionary">Dictionary</A>   |   <A HREF="after.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="After">After</A>   |   <A HREF="i_am_i_am.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="I am, I am">I am, I am</A>   |   <A HREF="noise_music_baseball.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Noise Music Baseball">Noise Music Baseball</A>   |   <A HREF="we_are_a_dream.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="We are a dream">We are a dream</A>   |   <A HREF="navigation.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Navigation">Navigation</A></div> <bR> <div> <B>Paris, November 14th, 2006</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Civil War</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Students, I thank you for having come all clothed in black, this is a very sad subject we are going to broach today: Something that it not understandable in a Glub Universe</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>War!!!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>What do you mean Ugly Student, you are not clothed in black, you are black?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Well why not?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So we are going to discuss the concept of War in one of its worst occurrences, the Civil War. Indeed not only is war something that we cannot understand, but the terrestrials went one step further, one arm would eat the other arm, one leg would eat the other leg.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Lets us first go through the hysterical part of the subject, however boring it may be.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Civil War took place from 1914 to 1918 and opposed two fractions of the same tribe. The elders of one tribe in the USA wanted to have a red flag, the elders of the other flag wanted to have a red flag, so a conflict was unavoidable.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The soldiers, which in those days where called lobbyists, gathered around their chief. The Northern tribe was led by a famous general who was famed for having run sixty two home runs during the last season, while the Southern army was gathered around a General called Schumacher who was even more famous for being able to run sixty two home runs in two hours.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The conflict was atrocious and History will remember that the Umpires were most unfair, how can you otherwise explain that so many Southern soldiers were benched for not carrying bottles of Boba-Bola in their packs?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The decisive battle was fought at Water Gate.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Yes Shapely student, you wonder if this is why we have this mysterious statement, </B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>“A tap is leaking, a President is Weeping!”.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Indeed student, you are quite right. Even if we still cannot see why the fact that a tap was leaking would made a President weep.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Civil War was carnage. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It is estimated that as many as 20 million Americans were unable to follow the last episodes of “Dallas”.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>What is Dallas?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>We believe that it is a University Programme teaching students the drilling of oil.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Yes student, what is oil?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Regretfully student, we are still unable to state without any doubt why they fought about oil. It is known that most of the salads used at the dinners were based on mixtures demanding oil, but why it was deemed so important is still a mystery. We believe that the oil they were ingesting during the mastication process had some virtue in greasing channels they used for the very painful replication process, or possibly that salad oil had anaesthetic properties facilitating the painful process.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>As a result of the Civil War, the Stock Exchange did very well, and a senator suggested that a Civil War be Organized on a permanent bases. This sounded so evident that all Senators acclaimed this Senator and made him and his son President.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Civil War was then organized on a permanent bases, and according to the arms to be used, it had different names.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The most popular Civil War was fought with batons and the armies where grouped in Conferences.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Other preferred to use pig bladders inflated with air that were to be thrown into baskets. When the basket was full, the Army was declared victorious.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>As to the baton war, it was called cricket, most probably as a reminiscence of the days when farmers used to fight these insects with batons.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>When a major difference arose between two tribes, for instance the Chicago tribe and the New York tribe, a war would be organised. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The war took place in a diamond shaped stadium.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The troops would enter and salute their Presidents with the famous</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Ceasar, moriturente te salute</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It is not fully known why all the Presidents where called Caesar as later on this tradition was abandoned in favour of a more American sounding name, all Presidents being called Bush.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>One army would take a defensive position and the other army take an offensive position.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The General of the attacking army was carrying a funny looking had and for that reason got the mysterious name “Bowler”.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>He would take a well warmed stone in his hand and try to knock down a poor innocent catcher, catcher totally unprotected, unless the man with the baton managed to deviate the stone.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Another man was lurking around, his function is not well understood, but old films show that he would have jerky motions with his arms, and should “strike”, meaning that the teams should take a time off to catch the wounded and dead.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It the man with the baton failed to deviate the hurled stone, there was a huge risk that the stone would knock down the stick behind him, sticks which we believe to be a representation of virginity.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>If the sticks were hit, the virginity was lost and the man was called wicked.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>All the time that the bowler and the batter were fighting, the other team member would run around the field and point out to the spectators the advertisements that were hung here and there around the diamond; When Janet Jackson was attending, there was no need for the one on the field to run around as everybody was looking at her, and not at the field.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I am sorry students to have been forced to subject you to such atrocious descriptions.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Yes student, you wonder why the soldiers were willing to risk their life?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Well student, there were compensations. The soldiers that won the match had free access to all the females they wanted, even those they did not want.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Yes, student, you think that the situation is similar to the courses I give as Universal Superior Great Glub?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Students, I fail to comprehend your analogy.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>