Down Bulge

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HREF="navigation.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Navigation">Navigation</A></div> <div> <B>Paris April 5th, 2005, Spring is here, tourists are also in Paris, better book your ticket in a hurry.</B></div> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="540" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFFF80 HEIGHT= 416 WIDTH="534"><div> <B>Foreword</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Being an agronomist, udders and reproduction processes are just tedious mistakes made by Nature that cause much problems to farmers.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It has been a source of perplexity for me, as agronomist, why it is considered fantastically "chic" for a woman to show two third of her udder, but totally awful if the nipples are seen.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>But that perplexity is nothing compared to the problem caused by the total interdiction accepted by our society concerning the lower reproduction organs.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>While I can understand the necessity of this interdiction so as to prevent excesses and abuses, looking at it from the point of view of the Glubs, there is no way I can explain to the student nodes of the Glub system, how this System could have functioned.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I have been forced to cut out many paragraphs, which will make the text totally imbecile to Glubs, and excessive to Humans.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I feel very sorry for Janet J. who got trapped into these rules.</B></div> <bR> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="541" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFCC33 HEIGHT= 1264 WIDTH="535"><div> <B>A New Zealand team led by Matthew Goddard, from the University of Auckland, conducted a study with two strains of yeast, only one of which was able to reproduce sexually. </B></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="http://www.sci-tech-today.com/story.xhtml?story_title=Two-Strains-of-Yeast-Show-Why-Sex-Is-Worth-the-Hassle-and-Effort&story_id=32220&category=scnce" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.sci-tech-today.com/story.xhtm"><B>http://www.sci-tech-today.com/story.xhtml?story_title=Two-Strains-of-Yeast-Show-Why-Sex-Is-Worth-the-Hassle-and-Effort&story_id=32220&category=scnce</B></A></div> <bR> <div> <B>Yeast cells are normally asexual. But when stressed they undergo a process that produces four spores equivalent to the male and female gametes involved in sexual reproduction. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The researchers created a mutant strain of yeast that was unable to generate sexual spores under any conditions. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In a stress-free environment, both strains relaxed and reproduced at about the same rate. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>But a difference emerged in a harsher, higher temperature, environment. Over 300 generations, the growth rate of the sexually reproducing yeast increased by 94 percent compared with only 80 percent for the asexual yeast.</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>The results, reported today in the journal Nature, appear to fit in with the theory first proposed by August Weismann. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>He proposed that as well as being a </B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#CC0033" FACE="Times New Roman" ><B>quite enjoyable activity</B></FONT><B>, </B></div> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="383" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#CC0033 HEIGHT= 58 WIDTH="371"><div> <B>Here you have an obvious example of how much a scientist can stray from reality when absorbed by his subject. Poor Chap!!!</B></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <div> <B>sex allowed evolution to progress at a faster rate, which means that we are a healthier and fitter species. Sexy yeast reproduces more efficiently than yeast lacking sex. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>But the findings do not answer all the questions surrounding sexual reproduction. One of the key conundrums is the so-called "twofold cost" of sex that applies to organisms with unequal male/female differences. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In humans and other mammals, for instance, the contribution of male sperm to an offspring is tiny compared with that of the female egg. As a result, natural selection might be expected to lead to females turning asexual and producing only daughters. Clearly, however, this has not happened. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Rolf Hoekstra, from Wageningen University in the Netherlands, wrote in an accompanying article in Nature: "We are still far from a definitive answer to the question of why sexual reproduction is so common. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"For one thing, yeast has no male-female distinction, so the twofold cost of sex does not apply, which prevents a straightforward generalization of the conclusions to most animals and plants." </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Dr Linda Papadopoulos, a psychologist and sex expert for Cosmopolitan magazine, said that she was not surprised at the research. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"Sexual behavior pushes us to reproduce and spread out our genes, it's a way of ironing out any genetic mutations. So the fact that it's both fun and good for the genetic health of the human race in evolutionary terms is not surprising," she said. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"There is a reason that we take so much care of our youngsters, and that's because we're relatively infertile compared to other animals. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"We're not producing offspring ten at a time, so when we get one, we tend to make sure it's cared for, so that it can spread our genes on and help evolution." </B></div> <bR> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Dear Students</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It is my feeling that you may be reaching the point when you can try to study the lower bulge which is found on plus Humans.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>As you know, students, I am not a vain Glub, I do understand that my very honoured colleagues from some of the universities who are so desperate for funding would propose all kind of very amusing solutions to the mystery of the lower bulge.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In a way, I do regret that all these fantasies have been settled by my very humble contribution which has solved this mystery.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Yes, I can see, students, that you all wonder how I could have solved a problem that has puzzled the greatest brains for periods and periods.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Students, remember that:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Observation!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This is the key word.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I observed the lower bulge of the Plus Human Being and I experimented and the truth appeared, however farfetched and preposterous it may have sounded.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Four embryo materials were activated yesterday and we have today for our experiment two plus Humans and two minus Humans. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Students, I hope you remember which Humans have upper bulges and which Humans have lower bulges?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Before bringing in the Human material, let us look at some of the theories that have been proposed by some of my much esteemed Colleagues until I solved the problem.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>One theory was based on an analogy with space ships; </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Students, you remember these old films were you can see the space ships extruding their metallic rods, which we discovered later on to be antennas used for some primitive way of communication. I sounded rather reasonable, considering that this bulge was constantly changing dimension and was situated outside the Human, to assume that it was a communication rod. I do not want in any way to cast any discredit on that theory which, I will show to you students, was not totally absurd.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>One of my younger colleagues was so caught up by this study that he lost all sense of reality and he started working on the hypothesis that this bulge which was growing in length and then reducing could be thought as being a form of pump.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Students, you may have seen some of these older pictures where we see the Humans, using some mitochondria they called “automobiles” and you have seen that at regular interval they go to a feeding station where they introduce some kind of tube into their automobile and fill it with some energetic liquid.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Well, my very young and talented colleague got the idea that this bulge was like a tube and that in some way it would be used to transfer nutrients from one Human to another. Quite clever of him, it got him a lot of attention, until I published my paper on the subject.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Students, just to make this course a bit less boring, I should mention, however preposterous and ridicule it sounds today after my paper on the subject, that one of my colleague, who cannot even claim the excuse of young age, postulated that this bulge in the plus Human and the lack of bulge in the minus human would be intended as some kind of biological system whereby the plus Human would transfer some genetic material to the minus Human.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Absurd as it is, that theory was quite popular for a long time, until it fell on the obvious:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Why would the minus Human accept the introduction of a foreign object?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Why would the minus Human want genetic material when everything was available in her?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Why would the plus Human give away without any reward his construction secrets?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Why would both endure such an unpleasant exercise? </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Please, students, let us keep calm, we must accept all theories and never laugh at a theory because it failed or it does not belong to our way of understanding nature.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Well students, as we are reaching the end of this course, I would like to test whether you have learned how to analyse the behaviours of Humans.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Assistant, please bring in two plus Humans and two minus Humans.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Ah ! I can see students that you are surprised! You had never seen such Humans before.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Well, students, of course if you had carefully read my contributions to the understanding of the social habits of the Humans, you would have known that it was a custom to carry an outer skin.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>While we do know that they fancied carrying an outer skin, we are not near to understanding why they would encumber themselves with such oddities.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You will also notice, when reading my papers, which are being distributed to you, that while the outer skin was considered as of the uttermost importance, to the extent that it was changed more than twice a day. For the minus Human, the less the outer skin covered of the inner skin, the more attractive the minus human was considered. I will not try to pretend to you students that I understand.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Well, students, while you were making notes, I have been observing the two minus Humans and the two plus Humans.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I hope that you have seen how the two minus humans are looking at one another with a kind of “I see everything but I do not look at you” attitude. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>When we run them through the analyser after the experiment, we notice something strange; both minus Humans have recorded down to the last detail of the other minus Human outer skin.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Now, look at the two plus Humans, they appear to be torn between looking at the minus Humans and watching what the other plus Human is doing.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Again, I have to warn you that more than half of these experiments turn out to be rather gruesome for our high Glub sensitivity.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Indeed students, I can see signs that this could be another one of such a case. Look at how the two Human plus are moving towards one another while the two minus Humans are sort of twisting and twirling in some kind of bee like dance.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Well, students, one possible outcome is that the two plus Humans will start fighting and tearing one another to pieces and the survivor will perform that skin stroking ritual which seems to be so favoured by these humans.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In a few cases even the minus Humans have started to fight, until we were left with only one minus and one plus. I must also say that we have had cases were they all are so damaged that there is nothing else to do but send them to the incinerator.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Well, these Humans appear to be able to control their urges, whatever they could be. Now look at the bulges of the two plus Human.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Students, quite obviously something is taking place. The rubbing ceremony is most likely to take place.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Now, students, disregarding how unpleasant these contortions may be to us, Glubs, I have studied lots of these cases and even been able to use some totally furry Humans.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Students, the totally furry Humans do look the same as the naked Humans, it is really very difficult to make any difference between the furry ones and the naked ones, if it was not for that long segment the furry Humans have and that they use for balancing and gripping.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You would think that this evidence is inconclusive. Yet, if you add to it the evidence brought in by the geologists that show quite distinctively a dramatic increase in radio activity in areas that we have been able to identify as Nevada and Mururoa and Bikini, it is obvious that a major accident took place on Earth. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>That accident increased the atomic radiations so much that the rate of mutations was increased by a factor of one thousand, possibly as much as ten thousand.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Of course we all know about it, without this mutation period, it is doubtful if the Glub civilization would have come to be.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>But we have not given enough of our time to study the intermediate period, the one during which the humans were mutating in any disorderly way.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It suddenly became obvious to me that the furry Human and the Naked Human are one and the same species, only the naked human is the result of a dramatic useless mutation that deprived it of its appendix. The bulge we see is the remnant of the furry Human appendix. How the naked Human was able to survive such a casualty, we can only guess.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Students, I thank you for your attention.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Assistants, you can wash up the remains as usual.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>